Feeling Right

I start my new M-F job next Monday, so I feel like a student who's summer holiday is coming to an end. Yep. Like a 19 year break from being at same place and time Monday-Friday. This concept is kind of messing with my head. I am also feeling internal pressure to check off some items on my to-do list. I normally don't write a list, instead just have vague intentions floating around that for the most part I get to, but somethings, I ignore and let bite me in the ass. 

Five months ago, when I made the decision to transform my life into one that brought me happiness, satisfaction, and fulfillment, I was frequently in the self-help section of libraries or bookstores. Yes, I have become one of those people. A book that was frequently hyped was the Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin. Honestly, I thought it looked annoying and corny, but, now I see that I wasn't ready for it. I needed to deal with some of the rotting vegetable matter in the compost bin, before I got to the soil and worms. Rubin developed a 12 month plan, each month with a theme, quote and goals. Such as in January she got organized, more sleep and exercised.

I now realize that I have been creating my own happiness project. Not nearly as organized and without the charts and gold stars, but with tears, good friends, journal entries, therapy sessions, self-help books, and taking risks . It is reassuring to know that others are coming to the same conclusions I am. Like, I really do work better in a clean space (getting rid of the clutter= decreased distractions.) Yes, some of the risks have been huge, like going to Seattle, coming back, changing some behaviors or being myself in my job interview and small risks, like starting this blog.

This is what Rubin calls her First Splendid Truth and it almost knocked me out of my chair last night.

"To be happy, I need to think about feeling good, feeling bad, and feeling right, in an atmosphere of growth."

I have been doing this without being aware of it! And it was like, shaZAM! The feeling right part, is the critical part to me. This is when your living your life that you are meant to live. I know that exploring these concepts, pushing myself to read, think, analyze, and talk, feels right. Being a staff nurse didn't. And it quite possible that my new job won't feel 100% right, but I can live with that right now.