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I have had a hard couple weeks with motivation and not having the space to read, write or think about things other than intense pressing issues. When when I did, I choose to spend my time doing tasks that didn't require my tapping in. Such as, I have become a little "crazy" making bags; produce, recon, lunch sacks, and laundry. I am at the point where a pile of fabric and mesh say, "ready, set, make a bag." They are all different and fun. And I don't put analyzing thinking energy into it any more, am able to sing show tunes and get some flow.

Yesterday, I had am "I'm good enough" breakthrough from when I watched Susan Cain's Ted talk. She mentioned that it took her seven years to write her book. You mean people still accept something that took seven years to write? A project can take a long time and still have value? Our society to so face paced, that "people" want results--and quick! I know that not everyone subscribes to a quick turn over mentality, but it sure it's talked about. Anyhow, it has given me a little peace that I can plug along at the pace that is natural.

Today I am thinking about creating a pilot study with my RN friends and former colleges. The perks of this ideas are 1) I can flush out questions 2) It would be a way to connect to them 3) It would be a mutually safe space 4) It would give me some momentum 5) I know some awesome people and I love them.

The con is "The significance of the relationship between the researcher and the researched even affects how we refer to those whom we want to learn from and about." (Glesne et al. 1992)

Okay, back to my "proposal" paper and my question/lit review. I think I will put my research deadline as before September 26, 2021.

Glesne, Corrine, and Alan Peshkin (1992). Becoming Qualitative Researchers: An Introduction. White Plains, N.Y.: Longman Publishing Group. 

Qualitative

This week in unemployment, I decided that it was time to start looking for a job. This manifested into applying online for one RN position, "networking" at a football game and printing out one hard copy application. Wrote up an appeal for my rejection for unemployment benefits. I did update by nursing license addresses, which is helpful. In other business: I updated my voting info, made several appointments and left loads of messages.  At some point I stumbled across a you-tube hypnotherapy audios and I've become an addict. It started with relaxation, then confidence and anxiety. Last night I listened to the weight loss/insomnia and today I did the safe/ motivation one. The fact that I can't wait till bed time so I can listen to weight loss/insomnia audio has been the extent of my motivation. Really, I did visualize sitting here and typing pages of why qualitative research is so cool.

I am attracted to qualitative research like a moth to the flame. My husband said the other day "normal people don't bring research books to the beach." To clarify, I bring qualitative books to the beach or just load up in my bag and bring them everywhere with me. My quantitative books sit in a pile, hard, stiff and only referred to when I need numbers--which is rarely, because I'm not a number person. I don't even know how many people live in my town. My family--yes, the world--no. These are facts I look up, then forget. Stories, are different.

 "Qualitative inquiry is an umbrella term for various philosophical orientations to interpretive research. For example, qualitative researchers might call their work ethnography, case study, phenomenology, educational criticism, or several other terms" (Glesne et al. 1992).

In 2008, while at CSU Fresno I conducted an autoethnography project, which is a variation of the ethnography. Specifically, conducting "research and writing that seeks to describe and systematically analyze (graphy) personal experience (auto) in order to understand cultural experience (ethno)" (Ellis, 2004). In my earlier research, I examined one woman's experience working as a certified nursing assistant (CNA) in a nursing home, and asked questions exploring the culture of her work place.

This could be considered part of a sub-group called "layered accounts", which "...often focus on the author's experience alongside data, abstract analysis, and relevant literature" (Ellis et al. 2010). 

This next week, I plan on honing my scope of my future project. I'll also be going to San Fransisco for a personal growth workshop, reading, drinking coffee and enjoying the milder fall days. Job scouting and hypnotherapy will be squeezed in there too.

References

Bothwell, Anita (2008). Just a Pair of Scrubs: Nursing Assistants, Poverty and Agency. Unpublished manuscript. 

Ellis, Carolyn (2004). The ethnographic I: A methodological novel about autoethnography. Walnut Creek, CA: AltaMira Press.  

Ellis, C., Adams, T., & Bochner, A. 2010 Nov 24. Autoethnography: An Overview. Forum Qualitative Sozialforschung / Forum: Qualitative Social Research. [Online] 12:1

Glesne, Corrine, and Alan Peshkin (1992). Becoming Qualitative Researchers: An Introduction. White Plains, N.Y.: Longman Publishing Group.

Circle

3 weeks in and I am struggling with my writing goal due to a grumpy mood and feelings of restlessness and discontentment. Woke up with a spring, saying "Blog writing day!" Then, I went into the kitchen and let something irritate me-- festering like a splinter. If I didn't have a man made deadline, then I would have watched Law & Order or Dr. Who all day. Instead I have piddled it away...well I did write an outline. Instead, among other things  I figured out why CSU Fresno had closed admissions for Spring 2013 (budget cuts) and read several articles on the topic and pondered pursuing Sociology (the only non-teacher/academic who has this degree is Kim, who works as a waitress), then came full circle in reading up on what Fatima Mernissi is working on. Which gave me some motivation.

In the spring of 2008 in my English 1A class at Merced College, my instructor Jory Taber reignited my interest in gender studies. Reading Fatima Mernissi's Scheherazade goes West, clicked something in my brain, that I couldn't unclick.  I had been on a caliwumpus path prior to that. Raised by mild Liberal Feminist parents that never discussed ideology yet were very gender neutral in raising my sister and I. Childhood was filled with home repair projects (they "flipped" several homes), sports, arts/crafts, sewing and cooking with both parents. 

I was introduced to formal Feminism when I was 18 by a friend and co-worker Jed, when I was living in Boston. Jed was a recent graduate of the University of Southern Maine's Women's and Gender Studies Program, and more amazingly to uproot my naive paradigm he was straight. My teen years had been filled with depression, dysfunctional romantic relationships, experimenting with drugs and conservative religion. Goth, punk(ish), raver, teen mom then young married--yet, Jed planted a seed, that when I came out of a blur as a mostly stay at home mom, with a toddler and pregnant, I ran to the library to ask what it all meant. I don't remember specific titles, just volumes of essays/ reader type anthologies. This went on for a few years, my mind wrestling. Feminism, Christianity, patriarchy, equality, servitude, oppression, housewife, career, second shift. Wait. These are still things I struggle with. Plus I am reading The Myth of Male Power by Warren Farrell,  which is adding complexities.

Wait. That must be it. This is my answer, that I am intrigued by the questions, answers, dialog, conversations, research, reading, analyses and it is not whether I agree, accept or dismiss--I just like the process. In there must be my struggle with nursing. I've got some more thinking to do...