Defying Gravity

I feel like such a sponge right now in my life. I have been reading more in the last month than I have since I left school. I feel like my synapse are starting to fire quicker. Oiling me brain. What did I do with all my time? Oh right, I slept and watched ALL the season's of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

I usually listen to headphones and listen to Pandora while I work. If I am trying to focus, my favorite stations are The Smith's, Blake Babies, and The Shins. If I'm able to engage in the music (That means SING along)-much to my families chagrin-I listen to Lady Gaga, 80's, or Showtunes. And, I LOVE the musical Wicked, love, love, love. Great sing a long material and If you don't know Wicked, it is the pre-story of the Wizard of OZ and the friendship that forms between Glinda and Elphaba (Wicked Witch of the West.) Defying Gravity is an amazing song and yesterday I made a link between two very different songs. While I was driving and listening or "Rocking out", as my daughter Nia says, to another favorite, The Pixies song, Levitate Me.

When, I am "rocking out", I am truly myself. Totally lost in the beats and lyrics. I am happy and when I am really happy I levitate--even if it just my soul--defying gravity.

Off to work. So, Pray tell. When are you truly yourself, bringing levitating happiness?

Feeling Right

I start my new M-F job next Monday, so I feel like a student who's summer holiday is coming to an end. Yep. Like a 19 year break from being at same place and time Monday-Friday. This concept is kind of messing with my head. I am also feeling internal pressure to check off some items on my to-do list. I normally don't write a list, instead just have vague intentions floating around that for the most part I get to, but somethings, I ignore and let bite me in the ass. 

Five months ago, when I made the decision to transform my life into one that brought me happiness, satisfaction, and fulfillment, I was frequently in the self-help section of libraries or bookstores. Yes, I have become one of those people. A book that was frequently hyped was the Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin. Honestly, I thought it looked annoying and corny, but, now I see that I wasn't ready for it. I needed to deal with some of the rotting vegetable matter in the compost bin, before I got to the soil and worms. Rubin developed a 12 month plan, each month with a theme, quote and goals. Such as in January she got organized, more sleep and exercised.

I now realize that I have been creating my own happiness project. Not nearly as organized and without the charts and gold stars, but with tears, good friends, journal entries, therapy sessions, self-help books, and taking risks . It is reassuring to know that others are coming to the same conclusions I am. Like, I really do work better in a clean space (getting rid of the clutter= decreased distractions.) Yes, some of the risks have been huge, like going to Seattle, coming back, changing some behaviors or being myself in my job interview and small risks, like starting this blog.

This is what Rubin calls her First Splendid Truth and it almost knocked me out of my chair last night.

"To be happy, I need to think about feeling good, feeling bad, and feeling right, in an atmosphere of growth."

I have been doing this without being aware of it! And it was like, shaZAM! The feeling right part, is the critical part to me. This is when your living your life that you are meant to live. I know that exploring these concepts, pushing myself to read, think, analyze, and talk, feels right. Being a staff nurse didn't. And it quite possible that my new job won't feel 100% right, but I can live with that right now.

Narrowing the research

It has been a busy week. The school year has picked up to full speed and I am counting the days till I start a new job. 13 to be exact. So, I need to get hustling and make a dent on my pre-research material.

I have been working on my research forms and they are really making me think about what I want to know. Okay, know the most, because, I want to know loads of stuff.

I want to know about how nurses chose their scrubs and if they have mandatory ones, how they make them there own. I want to know about preparing for work rituals, how they prepare to tackle the day (ie. worksheets), how they process new demands placed on them (ie. emergencies-tasks) and resilience to stress.What aspects of the work day is most rewarding? Most stressful? How they take care of themselves (ie. breaks) and process and evaluate days events.

Are they happy with nursing? As in, would chose nursing again? How has their identity been transformed by the choice to be a nurse? What influenced their choice? How they thought nursing would be like and how those experiences compare to the reality. What makes a good job? Is the pay scale correct? How does workplace culture and hierarchy effect their lives?

Way to much for one study. Ugh.

I have decided to go ahead with a pilot study (n=3), so if you are a nurse please contact me! Then, I will evaluate and refine my questions and conduct a formal study (n=25). That means I need your family members, friends and coworkers! And to clarify, this is a volunteer study. I may buy them a coffee and a banana nut muffin, but no financial compensation will be provided.

       

7

I have had a hard couple weeks with motivation and not having the space to read, write or think about things other than intense pressing issues. When when I did, I choose to spend my time doing tasks that didn't require my tapping in. Such as, I have become a little "crazy" making bags; produce, recon, lunch sacks, and laundry. I am at the point where a pile of fabric and mesh say, "ready, set, make a bag." They are all different and fun. And I don't put analyzing thinking energy into it any more, am able to sing show tunes and get some flow.

Yesterday, I had am "I'm good enough" breakthrough from when I watched Susan Cain's Ted talk. She mentioned that it took her seven years to write her book. You mean people still accept something that took seven years to write? A project can take a long time and still have value? Our society to so face paced, that "people" want results--and quick! I know that not everyone subscribes to a quick turn over mentality, but it sure it's talked about. Anyhow, it has given me a little peace that I can plug along at the pace that is natural.

Today I am thinking about creating a pilot study with my RN friends and former colleges. The perks of this ideas are 1) I can flush out questions 2) It would be a way to connect to them 3) It would be a mutually safe space 4) It would give me some momentum 5) I know some awesome people and I love them.

The con is "The significance of the relationship between the researcher and the researched even affects how we refer to those whom we want to learn from and about." (Glesne et al. 1992)

Okay, back to my "proposal" paper and my question/lit review. I think I will put my research deadline as before September 26, 2021.

Glesne, Corrine, and Alan Peshkin (1992). Becoming Qualitative Researchers: An Introduction. White Plains, N.Y.: Longman Publishing Group. 

Qualitative

This week in unemployment, I decided that it was time to start looking for a job. This manifested into applying online for one RN position, "networking" at a football game and printing out one hard copy application. Wrote up an appeal for my rejection for unemployment benefits. I did update by nursing license addresses, which is helpful. In other business: I updated my voting info, made several appointments and left loads of messages.  At some point I stumbled across a you-tube hypnotherapy audios and I've become an addict. It started with relaxation, then confidence and anxiety. Last night I listened to the weight loss/insomnia and today I did the safe/ motivation one. The fact that I can't wait till bed time so I can listen to weight loss/insomnia audio has been the extent of my motivation. Really, I did visualize sitting here and typing pages of why qualitative research is so cool.

I am attracted to qualitative research like a moth to the flame. My husband said the other day "normal people don't bring research books to the beach." To clarify, I bring qualitative books to the beach or just load up in my bag and bring them everywhere with me. My quantitative books sit in a pile, hard, stiff and only referred to when I need numbers--which is rarely, because I'm not a number person. I don't even know how many people live in my town. My family--yes, the world--no. These are facts I look up, then forget. Stories, are different.

 "Qualitative inquiry is an umbrella term for various philosophical orientations to interpretive research. For example, qualitative researchers might call their work ethnography, case study, phenomenology, educational criticism, or several other terms" (Glesne et al. 1992).

In 2008, while at CSU Fresno I conducted an autoethnography project, which is a variation of the ethnography. Specifically, conducting "research and writing that seeks to describe and systematically analyze (graphy) personal experience (auto) in order to understand cultural experience (ethno)" (Ellis, 2004). In my earlier research, I examined one woman's experience working as a certified nursing assistant (CNA) in a nursing home, and asked questions exploring the culture of her work place.

This could be considered part of a sub-group called "layered accounts", which "...often focus on the author's experience alongside data, abstract analysis, and relevant literature" (Ellis et al. 2010). 

This next week, I plan on honing my scope of my future project. I'll also be going to San Fransisco for a personal growth workshop, reading, drinking coffee and enjoying the milder fall days. Job scouting and hypnotherapy will be squeezed in there too.

References

Bothwell, Anita (2008). Just a Pair of Scrubs: Nursing Assistants, Poverty and Agency. Unpublished manuscript. 

Ellis, Carolyn (2004). The ethnographic I: A methodological novel about autoethnography. Walnut Creek, CA: AltaMira Press.  

Ellis, C., Adams, T., & Bochner, A. 2010 Nov 24. Autoethnography: An Overview. Forum Qualitative Sozialforschung / Forum: Qualitative Social Research. [Online] 12:1

Glesne, Corrine, and Alan Peshkin (1992). Becoming Qualitative Researchers: An Introduction. White Plains, N.Y.: Longman Publishing Group.

Circle

3 weeks in and I am struggling with my writing goal due to a grumpy mood and feelings of restlessness and discontentment. Woke up with a spring, saying "Blog writing day!" Then, I went into the kitchen and let something irritate me-- festering like a splinter. If I didn't have a man made deadline, then I would have watched Law & Order or Dr. Who all day. Instead I have piddled it away...well I did write an outline. Instead, among other things  I figured out why CSU Fresno had closed admissions for Spring 2013 (budget cuts) and read several articles on the topic and pondered pursuing Sociology (the only non-teacher/academic who has this degree is Kim, who works as a waitress), then came full circle in reading up on what Fatima Mernissi is working on. Which gave me some motivation.

In the spring of 2008 in my English 1A class at Merced College, my instructor Jory Taber reignited my interest in gender studies. Reading Fatima Mernissi's Scheherazade goes West, clicked something in my brain, that I couldn't unclick.  I had been on a caliwumpus path prior to that. Raised by mild Liberal Feminist parents that never discussed ideology yet were very gender neutral in raising my sister and I. Childhood was filled with home repair projects (they "flipped" several homes), sports, arts/crafts, sewing and cooking with both parents. 

I was introduced to formal Feminism when I was 18 by a friend and co-worker Jed, when I was living in Boston. Jed was a recent graduate of the University of Southern Maine's Women's and Gender Studies Program, and more amazingly to uproot my naive paradigm he was straight. My teen years had been filled with depression, dysfunctional romantic relationships, experimenting with drugs and conservative religion. Goth, punk(ish), raver, teen mom then young married--yet, Jed planted a seed, that when I came out of a blur as a mostly stay at home mom, with a toddler and pregnant, I ran to the library to ask what it all meant. I don't remember specific titles, just volumes of essays/ reader type anthologies. This went on for a few years, my mind wrestling. Feminism, Christianity, patriarchy, equality, servitude, oppression, housewife, career, second shift. Wait. These are still things I struggle with. Plus I am reading The Myth of Male Power by Warren Farrell,  which is adding complexities.

Wait. That must be it. This is my answer, that I am intrigued by the questions, answers, dialog, conversations, research, reading, analyses and it is not whether I agree, accept or dismiss--I just like the process. In there must be my struggle with nursing. I've got some more thinking to do...


 

Feminist Movements in the US

In preparing for this week's post I realized that I need to talk about Feminist movements and my path to Feminism prior to talking about research methods.This is an abbreviated overview of the major events or “waves” of the Western feminist movement. Please see links below for some very good resources that go into greater detail on movements and theory.

There were many philosophers and authors whose works prepared the groundwork for rethinking gender roles prior to the 1800’s including English author Mary Wallstonecraft who advocated for equality among the sexes. 1^st Wave Feminism (1800-1920’s) is also referred to as “inequalities de jure”, meaning to overturn legal/laws in principle. A growing movement was rising for white women of privilege to be granted admittance to education intuitions, universities, and the ability to have careers in academia, science and politics. They argued for property rights, especially after divorce and for custody of children.

In 1848, women and men gathered together at a convention at Seneca Falls to discuss how to proceed in a movement of temperance, pacifism, abolition of slavery, workers’ rights and the female vote. There was much debate on these topics; including the famous speech made by Sojourner Truth “Ain’t I a Woman. Some historians end the first wave with WWI others until the female vote and ratification. 
    
The 2^nd Wave began in the 1960’s and piggybacking the civil rights movement with an increase in organized female activism for equal rights especially on college campuses. Publicity spiked with protests against female objectification in the 1968 & 1969 Ms. America Pageants.  As a whole they argued against “inequalities de facto”, meaning unofficial yet in practice. Race, class and sexuality were often separate attributes (additive model), but generally women were “same”, and the goal was to become the equals of men. Please see the Feminist theory link below for how 2^nd wavers defined themselves, as different sects had different agendas and utilized various methods to carry out these goals. 2^nd wavers continue to be well organized, politically motivated and financial secure to finance their agenda.

The 3^rd Wave can be seen as a generational shift with the maturing of generation X figuring out what feminism looks like to them. In 1992 Rebecca Walker wrote “I am the 3^rd Wave,” coining the term and provoking increased attention to grassroots organization of activism for multi-issues impacting woman’s lives. Walker argued that there was not a universal female identity. Simultaneously, individualism coupled with the ability to connect via the internet, Kathleen Hanna coined Riot Grrrls, which has morphed into the Grrrl movement where women are redefining what it means to be female in a world of globalization, consumerism and increased environmental concerns, as well as a creating balance and reclaiming partnerships, child rearing, domestic duties and leisure activities.

Stepping beyond the West, it is interesting to see how cultures have responded to gender equality. Women around the world have been discussing what it means to be in a postcolonial or postmodern world and how that pertains to feminism. Women are examining the social constructs of their societies that has built in gender inequalities, globalized oppression by the West whether intentional or not, the constrains of their economies, and the impact on their lives, rights and identities. In 1997 Uma Narayan named this 3^rd World Feminism as well as questioning feminism outside the West. 


Next week: My Journey in Feminism.
This writing is based on facts obtained from WS course notes from Fresno State 2008 as well as the following articles/books/sites:

Boris, Eileen. 2012. “Feminist Currents.” Frontiers: A Journal of Women Studies 33, no. 1: 101-105. Academic Search Premier, EBSCOhost  Accessed August 27, 2012.

Kroløkke, Charlotte, and Ann Scott Sørensen. Gender communication theories & analyses: from silence to performance. Thousand Oaks, Calif.: Sage Publications, 2006. http://www.sagepub.com/upm-data/6236_Chapter_1_Krolokke_2nd_Rev_Final_Pdf.pdf

Narayan, Uma. Dislocating Cultures: Identities, Traditions, and Third World Feminism. London: Routledge, 1997.

No Permanent Waves: Recasting Histories of U.S. Feminism. Edited by Nancy Hewitt. Picataway, NJ: The State University, 2010.

Rampton, Martha. Pacific University Oregon, "http://www.pacificu.edu/magazine_archives/2008/fall/echoes/feminism.cfm." Last modified Fall 2008. Accessed August 27, 2012. http://www.pacificu.edu/magazine_archives/2008/fall/echoes/feminism.cfm.

"Riot Grrrl Manifesto." Last modified 1991. Accessed August 28, 2012. http://onewarart.org/riot_grrrl_manifesto.htm.

Sociology Central, "Feminism: Basic Principles." Last modified 2005. Accessed August 27, 2012.  http://www.sociology.org.uk/as4i4c4.pdf.

Wellman, Judith. The Road to Seneca Falls. Urbana and Chicago: University of Illinois Press, 2004.

Goal

Confession-I have a hard time flossing, taking vitamins or other daily rituals. I am really good at doing something once, maybe twice, but things in my life constantly fall by the wayside. However, if I really want change my life, I need to set some boundaries to make me more creative and productive.

A contemporary modern artist Andrea Zittel, says that "rules make us more creative". If I am to increase creativity and productivity I need to learn to curve my "flexible" inclinations and strive for more structure in my life. I'm in awe of people develop practices like a daily walk, photo a day for a year or gratitude journals.

The new research suggests that it takes 66 days to make a new habit and not 28. This statement provokes a feeling of being overwhelmed and anxiety. 28days  is a month, but 2+ months! 10 weeks!  Well, 9 after today, and thus my goal to post on this blog about constructing a research project. That's right I am going to make a goal, and make myself available to creativity and productivity within a structure. At least one post on Wednesday.

On to the project. I am a Registered Nurse with a background in Feminist Research, interested in studying the realities of modern nursing on those preforming the "art and science" of nursing and how they manage,  identify with, value the process and find fulfillment, within the career.

Frustrated by a career in modern nursing, I was babbling about the topic, when a good friend and fellow researcher, stated that I should ask other nurses what they liked about there jobs, officially. Up till then I was just talking to friends, who obtained some satisfaction, yet desired more.

In constructing a formal qualitative research project, I will "story catch" keys to deconstructing this topic, even if it is just for my own knowledge base.

Next post:  Feminist Research methods