Defying Gravity

I feel like such a sponge right now in my life. I have been reading more in the last month than I have since I left school. I feel like my synapse are starting to fire quicker. Oiling me brain. What did I do with all my time? Oh right, I slept and watched ALL the season's of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

I usually listen to headphones and listen to Pandora while I work. If I am trying to focus, my favorite stations are The Smith's, Blake Babies, and The Shins. If I'm able to engage in the music (That means SING along)-much to my families chagrin-I listen to Lady Gaga, 80's, or Showtunes. And, I LOVE the musical Wicked, love, love, love. Great sing a long material and If you don't know Wicked, it is the pre-story of the Wizard of OZ and the friendship that forms between Glinda and Elphaba (Wicked Witch of the West.) Defying Gravity is an amazing song and yesterday I made a link between two very different songs. While I was driving and listening or "Rocking out", as my daughter Nia says, to another favorite, The Pixies song, Levitate Me.

When, I am "rocking out", I am truly myself. Totally lost in the beats and lyrics. I am happy and when I am really happy I levitate--even if it just my soul--defying gravity.

Off to work. So, Pray tell. When are you truly yourself, bringing levitating happiness?

Feeling Right

I start my new M-F job next Monday, so I feel like a student who's summer holiday is coming to an end. Yep. Like a 19 year break from being at same place and time Monday-Friday. This concept is kind of messing with my head. I am also feeling internal pressure to check off some items on my to-do list. I normally don't write a list, instead just have vague intentions floating around that for the most part I get to, but somethings, I ignore and let bite me in the ass. 

Five months ago, when I made the decision to transform my life into one that brought me happiness, satisfaction, and fulfillment, I was frequently in the self-help section of libraries or bookstores. Yes, I have become one of those people. A book that was frequently hyped was the Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin. Honestly, I thought it looked annoying and corny, but, now I see that I wasn't ready for it. I needed to deal with some of the rotting vegetable matter in the compost bin, before I got to the soil and worms. Rubin developed a 12 month plan, each month with a theme, quote and goals. Such as in January she got organized, more sleep and exercised.

I now realize that I have been creating my own happiness project. Not nearly as organized and without the charts and gold stars, but with tears, good friends, journal entries, therapy sessions, self-help books, and taking risks . It is reassuring to know that others are coming to the same conclusions I am. Like, I really do work better in a clean space (getting rid of the clutter= decreased distractions.) Yes, some of the risks have been huge, like going to Seattle, coming back, changing some behaviors or being myself in my job interview and small risks, like starting this blog.

This is what Rubin calls her First Splendid Truth and it almost knocked me out of my chair last night.

"To be happy, I need to think about feeling good, feeling bad, and feeling right, in an atmosphere of growth."

I have been doing this without being aware of it! And it was like, shaZAM! The feeling right part, is the critical part to me. This is when your living your life that you are meant to live. I know that exploring these concepts, pushing myself to read, think, analyze, and talk, feels right. Being a staff nurse didn't. And it quite possible that my new job won't feel 100% right, but I can live with that right now.

Narrowing the research

It has been a busy week. The school year has picked up to full speed and I am counting the days till I start a new job. 13 to be exact. So, I need to get hustling and make a dent on my pre-research material.

I have been working on my research forms and they are really making me think about what I want to know. Okay, know the most, because, I want to know loads of stuff.

I want to know about how nurses chose their scrubs and if they have mandatory ones, how they make them there own. I want to know about preparing for work rituals, how they prepare to tackle the day (ie. worksheets), how they process new demands placed on them (ie. emergencies-tasks) and resilience to stress.What aspects of the work day is most rewarding? Most stressful? How they take care of themselves (ie. breaks) and process and evaluate days events.

Are they happy with nursing? As in, would chose nursing again? How has their identity been transformed by the choice to be a nurse? What influenced their choice? How they thought nursing would be like and how those experiences compare to the reality. What makes a good job? Is the pay scale correct? How does workplace culture and hierarchy effect their lives?

Way to much for one study. Ugh.

I have decided to go ahead with a pilot study (n=3), so if you are a nurse please contact me! Then, I will evaluate and refine my questions and conduct a formal study (n=25). That means I need your family members, friends and coworkers! And to clarify, this is a volunteer study. I may buy them a coffee and a banana nut muffin, but no financial compensation will be provided.